A few days ago I contributed what I thought to be a light-hearted experience to a thread about interracial dating. I grew up in a military town and went to a school that had a very diverse population. Despite being raised by my fairly racist grandfather, I never thought twice about seeing people of mixed races together. I dated several different races and ethnicities before I eventually married Chad.
All of my friends were surprised to learn that I was marrying a white guy. All of the people we’ve met since we’ve been married have eventually asked if he was Mexican. I mentioned as much on the forums. Some people have come right out and asked what his ethnicity is, some eventually ask in a round about way. Our close friends make jokes towards him that might offend some people. Random people have come up to him, while he was working, and done a double take after asking him a question. They were surprised that he didn’t have a Spanish accent and told him as much.
Speaking about my experiences managed to offend someone, though I have no idea how. Seriously.
I started talking to my sister about it, while she was getting ready for work. She then told me that the first time one of her friends saw Chad (after she had seen me and our four children), she made the comment that our kids didn’t look biracial.*
Bwuh?!
I know she didn’t mean any harm when she said it, but that is a whole ‘nother level of offensive. Not only did she assume that Chad was Mexican**, but she also made the assumption that he was not the father of our children. This would imply that I had the kids before meeting Chad, that I cheated on him and got pregnant (four freaking times), or that we adopted kids or used artificial insemination. Those assumptions are in order from the most likely to least likely ones that were going through her mind. I realize that she may not have been thinking those things as vindictively as they sound.
It just made me think, because I had mentioned that no one ever made a sideways comment towards us about being together and thinking Chad is Mexican. How many other people had seen our family together and had not-so-innocently assumed the same thing? People are so quick to judge, huh? I guess it’s just another one of those parts of human nature. Some assumptions are more innocent than others and there’s not a whole lot a person can do to change the things people might think about them upon first glance.
What do you do with this information? You choose how you let it affect you. I can either begin obsessing about whether or not everyone is assuming I’m a cheating wife or I can take it in stride. My choice? Take it in stride. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, in the slightest, whether or not people think Chad is the father of our children. Why would I let it eat at me as if it did?
*for clarification purposes and in an attempt to avoid misunderstandings, I realize that Mexican is not a race.
**It is never any other ethnicity, always Mexican. Based on what people have said, it’s due to his dark features and bronze skin. This is not to say that all Mexican’s have dark features and brown skin or that there is anything wrong with Mexicans. It does not bother us that people assume this.
*** I’d post pictures for you all to see but I don’t believe Chad is okay with his face being associated with some of the things on my blog, for professional reasons.
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